A Culture of Faith

Okay, so I know I'm not very good at keeping up with this whole blogging thing but I feel like it's too much work to come up with something to talk about every couple of days. I don't feel like anything in my life is quite that interesting at the moment. At least, not in any way that is detailed enough to write a blog post about it. Instead, I resort to Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

Today, however, something hit me that I think is interesting. You see, I keep a journal of all the inspiring quotes, scriptures and any other thought or inspiration that come to me but I write them with my future children in mind. I've never been good at keeping a journal, but knowing that my thoughts and experiences may be important to my family later down the line, I figure the most important information I can keep a record of for them are my thoughts on common questions—gospel-related or otherwise. Basically bits and pieces of my testimony, if you will. I want to share a part of that here...

Now, I should preface this by saying that I don't speak on behalf of the Church or anyone else for that matter. These are simply the thoughts that come to mind when I ponder on the subject.

There is a lot of pain in this life. A lot of suffering and misery. And it's that pain that causes people to question the goodness of God. Is He really there? Does He even care? Why me? Why put me through this? Why does He let bad things happen to good people?

The truth of the matter is, I don't know. I don't know the answers to all these questions and I'd be willing to bet that few people in the world really do. But here's my take on it all: He IS there and He DOES care. In fact, he loves you dearly. Yes, you. You are HIS child and there is nothing more important in the world to him than you. Once we understand that and accept it, the rest really isn't so hard...

So why you? Why let you feel sorrow, loneliness, pain, fear?

Have you ever worked out after not having done so for a while? You tire quickly, you're sweaty and the next day you're so sore you never want to work out again. But you know it's good for you so you push through. You try again, even though it hurts like crazy. But soon enough, you find yourself breathing easier. You're not quite so sore and you find you can do more now than you could right at first, right?

It's the same thing with God. He pushes us so we can become better and even though it hurts sometimes, in the end, it's all for our own good. So we can become stronger. So we can fight harder. So we can stand taller and know that we've accomplished something great.

Now I know, that's a lot easier said than done. Because let's be real, being there in the moment, feeling all that negative emotion and hurt, it really sucks. I know. And it's different for everybody. But that's because we each grow in different ways. We are each unique—stronger and weaker in different areas than others. But God knows each of us individually, better than we know ourselves. And it's faith that gives us comfort in the end that He is teaching us individually in our own ways too.

You know, being a Latter-day Saint (or Mormon, as it were) has really opened my eyes to all the temptations out there. How easy it is to get caught in the snags of the world and be pulled down! I'll tell you what, I've had my fair share of those. I guess that's why I'm so glad to have the standards that I do. Now, I'm not tooting my own horn. I just mean I'm grateful that the Church (the Lord) has set forth certain standards to keep us on track. To keep us on the Lord's side.

This is what got me thinking today; how these standards and commandments help keep us on the Lord's side. I know a lot of people of other faiths (though not all) express that the LDS living standards are to restraining. I imagine one day I'll have a cranky teenager or two who will tell me the same thing: that Church standards are too strict and take away agency. That's when I started to understand.

What do you say to someone who feels that way? For me, it's this: God gives us these commandments and standards as guidelines to keep us happy and safe. He knows us each individually and he knows the temptations that come with being human, with being mortal. He WAS mortal! He gives us these guidelines to keep us from experiencing even more sorrow and pain!

Now, of course we still have our agency. No one is making us choose righteousness. But there's an understanding that every decision comes with a consequence, whether good or bad, and you accept that based on your choice. Imagine a railing on the edge of a cliff. Do we consider that restrictive? Probably not. It's just keeping us safe from harm, right? But just like the commandments, no one is there making us stay on the safe side. I suppose if you really wanted to, you could climb the railing and jump off the other side, though I think you'd have to be pretty desperate to do that. All I'm saying is, no one has to be there to make us because we already know we're safe as long as we don't cross the line.

It's the same difference as between the spirit of the law and the letter of the law. Of course we'll feel restricted if we're trying to force ourselves into a mold we're not comfortable with. Granted, for some, that mold may fit just right. But for others, it may be too specific. We're all unique. Ultimately, I believe our choices and decisions are between us and the Lord. That's why we have our agency in the first place. To figure out how to make good choices and still be ourselves. As long as we're trying our best to follow those standards and guidelines, and we're focused on the Lord, that's what matters most, right?

It's not about being restricted and suffering. It's about helping us learn to make the kinds of choices that allow us to feel happy and free.

The MTC

Well, as if today hasn't been the most heart-wrenching day of my life, I don't know what has. There's nothing harder or more exciting than watching your little brother leave for two year to serve the Lord, knowing the next time you see him, he'll be a man.

Needless to say, we've all been emotional wrecks all day. Actually, in my case, it's been all week. For those of you who haven't had the experience yet, it's sooo hard. But, it's so exciting! (Let's be honest though, it takes a while for the excitement to kick in.) For me, I had to have a good cry, take a nap (and some Tylenol cause of the headache) and look forward to the first letter home!

After lots of comforting words from people who've done this before, I've found a few things have really helped so far. 1) Realize that he's only a few miles away. Especially where most of my time spent is at BYU, he's really only 1/4 mile away. By the time he leaves for Peru in 3 weeks, we'll be used to the idea and it won't be quite as hard. 2) We're entitled to random outbursts of emotional distress over the next two years. The fact is, we miss him and as much as we know he's making the right choice we're going to miss him, and that's ok. 3) I've resolved to write him every week. Even if I don't hear back from him that often, it will make me feel better to know that he'll always have a part of home every week. Especially where he's serving overseas and letters take longer to get there.

But I think the thing that has helped the most is looking forward to his first letter. I'm so excited to see how he grows, see pictures, and hear stories. That will be priceless...

Al Fox Fireside

As many of you know, Aaron's dad is a bishop in Roy. Well he and my sister-in-law, Amy, organized a fireside for last weekend and Aaron and I had the good fortune to be able to go. Amy used the project for a Personal Progress project opportunity and she did an amazing job! (yay Amy!)

They arranged to have Al Fox come and speak. Can I just say? She is absolutely inspired. She's so humble and full of the spirit and she has such an inspiring story. It was so good, internet, so good. She does these awesome videos that are on YouTube but I've posted one of my personal favorites here. Take a look and you'll see what I mean.

Even just being around her really made me think about where I'm at and where I want to go in life—who I want to become. I think about the kinds of things I want to be remembered for and I ask myself, "am I living my life in a way that the Lord can use me as a tool to accomplish His means? Am I helping to build His kingdom? What kind of an example am I setting for those that don't know?"

I hope the answers to those questions grow more positive every day and I hope that I am constantly becoming a better daughter, a better sister, a better wife, a better me.